So I got a magazine the other day. Not just any magazine. A magazine with a boy I was head over heels for. It sucks to look back and think of how things of might of turned out if it worked out. How even happier I'd always be smiling, holding hands, kissing, cuddling... the works. It's been so long since I've had an actual boyfriend, not just some internet fling. One that I can hug, kiss, smile at =/. But when you add two boys together, you get double the testosterone, and all they care about is sleeping with each other. There has to be someone out there who can love me for me. Someone who would rather kiss and cuddle (and the best part = talk) all night then have sex and sleep. It hurts so bad falling for someone and knowing that they'll never love you enough to open up and try being veg. Try introducing yourself to someone you like (who has the same pool of friends) over and over again, yet they still don't remember you. You think your the only one who has the deal with things like that?
I must not let things like this get to me, so I'm venting a bit in this blog. You want to know more personal things about me? Try having a friend who pretends to be happy all the time, yet you know deep down they are miserable and popping anti-depressants. Also knowing you're not one of the people that can help them. Some people choose who they want to fix them, and no matter how hard you try, nothing works. Try having to deal with this for months and months until things just aren't the same anymore, and things head for a terrible turn. I never forget anyone in my past. Everyone who has been a part of my life at any given time has meant a lot to me. I can't deal with going through the pain of being back stabbed and lied to over and over again. As with my one boyfriend that cheated on me 13 times... once a cheater, always a cheater. I won't let it happen to be again. If it does, I can't always put the blame on me. Some people just weren't meant for each other. I'm sorry If I hurt anyone of you. Even to little things like I haven't read your message, or replied to your comment. I'm not some kind of superhero, I can't do everything at once. I'm just a regular guy, with big dreams. I'm not some kind of celebrity. I haven't done anything worth giving that title to yet. Stay with me through thick and thin, and I'll show you what we could really do. Through SocialVibe, I've raised over $3000 alone for animals. (Over 4k with everyone else!) Really puts a smile on my face. Not to mention that it's only been about a month!!!
You try raising three thousand a month. This is just the start too. Bigger things are always around the corner.
I'm sorry everyone going to Taste Of Chaos Long Beach.
Matthew, I really hope that, that friend of yours is okay, and I really hope that you find someone that will love you and cuddle with you and talk to you and be there for you. I just want you to know that I will always be there right behind you because I really believe in you and you inspire me. You are such a good guy doing the best that you can for everyone, yourslef , the animals and the environment. You also inspired me into becoming a vegan and I really love it alot. So I just wanted to say thank you so much and I hope I get a chance to meet you at the warped tour this summer. much love! <3 beccah
Matthew, Looking for love is a long a difficult journey, and one that must be taken alone. Finding someone who will make you smile even when your crying is like looking for needle in a haystack thats as big as an apartment complex. Finding a man who wants you for you is difficult, but not impossible. I have been through so many relationships with my best friends it kills me to see them put so much effort into a someone the believe loves them for them only to have it thrown in their face. Me, being bisexual, have never really had a relationship. I sit on the sidelines and watch my friends get crushed and Im afraid to date for fear that I might get hurt too, and I don't want to. I've asked one of my friends out and said it would be weird if me and her dated, I did question this and she told me "because I know so much about you". It was a very bittersweet moment. But they constantly come to me asking for advice and opinions about certain things, and I give them the best I can. {Sorry very off topic}
Finding a boy or girl that just wants you, not sex, isn't that what everyone wants? I know I do. Having someone just to sit and be with you is a wonderful feeling. I know someone out there is wanting the same.
Matthew, you're so special to us. You're not just a pretty face, but a sweet guy with a big heart. And I know your going to make someone so happy one day!
If you EVER want to talk: AIM=PixelatedLover Yahoo Email: smartsaredeadly@yahoo Cell: Ask! :D
Love you lots! Domino :D PS}To live is like to love--all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. Samuel Butler
i cant say i know exactley what you're going through, but i have an idea. being stabbed in the back by someone you love is hard, especially when it's someone that you thought reallly cared about you.
Wow im like going through the same thing well sort of and im only like 15 =/ but everything has gone wrong so everything must be right from here.... hopefully
matt anyone who hurts you is a fool, and not worth the time. Sometimes people can hold diamonds in there hands, and only see coal. I know there is someone out there for you, so keep up being that total amazing person that you are, and good things will come to you. P.S. you will allways be my hero
You will find that special person! I know it's easy for me to say as I've been there done that and got a few of the t-shirts! But if they don't apreciate you for who you are then boot them up the backside. You are a wonderfull amazing person just don't let the fools get you down!
Take it easy peasy! and smile it's the cutest thing about you!
your completly right, things do get worse before they get better.
im soo so sorry bout everything wrong thats happening to you now. watching one of your close friends suffer is one of the hardest things ever to expeirince. all you want to do is help them and try to make them stop ,take away their pain but you have no clue how. and its frustrating. cheating is a whole new thing though, why would someone you care so much for do that? i dont understand how someone could actually bare to know that they were causing that much pain to a wonderful, loving person. thirteen times i must say is terrible and in my opion would count as a tradgity. but the worst part is when you find out and you still care for that person no matter howmuch you tell yourself you should be angry, your not.
but no matter what brings you down never dwell on the sadder moments in life. life is only what you make of it. and your doing a great job. when you die, your life, your whole entire time on this earth, is summed up. in one small dash between the years on the stone. the only people who will know the true meaning of that one small dash are the people youve touched and truly cared for you while you were still alive. that, is themark you leave on the world. so far, your dash is one of the best this world will ever get. youve inspired so many people, helped hundreds, possibly thousands. including me. i know it is hard to like the smae sex and be open about it. but somehow when something turns out right it makes it so much easier to appreciate it.
no matter what happens throught out your entire dash, remember that you HAVe made that dash worthwhile. and that we will always be here for you to fall back on, we really really care about you matt. I love you. <3
Awee, this is so touching and inspiring and helping animals and people like me is a hero to me. I understand what you are going through, and this blog is truly amazing
I know exactly what you're talking about with the sex thing. I mean, sex is great but when it comes down to it, cuddling and talking all night is just about the best thing in the whole world. It's like you just open your heart and let everything fall, and nothing feels better than having someone else there to catch it. And I'd like to say that after reading everyone's comments, it's incredible the impact you have on people. And you care so much about the people you touch - it's totally a beautiful thing to me. Like, I wish more than anything I could do that - inspire people to do good things. Love is freaking tough, and I wish I had some advice. But I know perfectly well that liking the same sex makes everything a damn slight tougher. And you know what? I'm about truth- and the truth is, you probably won't find someone perfect for you or that does things how you want.
They'll find you. And you'll love them for their imperfections as much as they'll love you for yours. You deserve nothing less. <3
Venting is good once in a while. :] Honestly, I doubt you posted this expecting/hoping for advice, but I'd like to say I agree with the title of this blog. Things do get worse before they get better. You'll get through all this. <333
Matthew, I wish I could say that I knew what you were going through. But, I honestly can't. I've never really been in love before, and whenever I am, it's always just a one-way street. Nobody's ever told me that they loved me, in a romantic sort of way. Whoever tells me they love me, just means it in a friendly way. I've never been in a relationship with anyone. I'm not afraid to admit that anymore, like I used to be.
So, all I can do is wish you the best of happiness. I love you Matt. xoxo Clint.
wow..i can't say that i haven't felt that way. I think everyone gets this at one time or another. It sucks, i know. If i weren't a girl..ahahah i would so be perfect for you...except for my age...lol yeeeeahhh....anyway..i hope things get better for you!!
This blog made me cry :'( its so sad. One day you'll find that special guy. I support you 100% Matthew your such a role model for me and others. Keep up with it and keep holding on to your dreams :) i <3 you
I think we're all searching for this right guy and we'll find him someday..Don't worry you're gonna find him and he's gonna love you for who you are I'm sure !! And don't be sorry for not being a superhero cause you may not know but you're the only real GayGod ;) Seriously, since I turned 20 I just feel like I didn't do anything really big and special in my life so far, but you have done lots ! And you're the kind of person we all want for friend cause you're touching us through your blogs and videos and everything. You really are a guide for lots of people including me. You helps me defining what kind of person I wanna be .. Thanks a lot !! And still don't worry, I know and understand exactly what you're going through but lots of people love you actually and you're gonna find that special guy sooner or later but in your case it'll probably be sooner ;) <3 <3
Matt!!! this blog has really changed my look at you! i wish i could say that im perfect for you but im not ;-(...im only 13...im not veg(i would totally go veg for you) i really do love you...and i would cuddle and just talk...but you and me will probably never be ;-(
one last thing and i will stop commenting with random quotes 'things will get worse before they get better but what is important to remember is who knocked you down and who helped you up'
I read your blog and I understand what your going through. Cause i've gone through it before. But dont let things keep you down. Try and keep your head held high. And I can promise you everything will get better in the end. You are a hero to me, You have inspired me and ive been vegeterian for about a year now and slowly working on becoming a vegan. But try and think of everyone who cares and loves you. Dont forget everything happens for a reason.
I know what you're going through. And I would love you for you. My name is Ryan. I'm not a vegan just a vegitarian. I love what you do for the animals and for other people of alternate sexualties. You are my hero, no joke. Love ya.
There's nothing I can say to this that I haven't said to you before. Obviously, you mean the world to so many of us, and if you're hurting, a part of us is hurting as well. I remember certain things you used to tell me, about how even if it is rough right now, things will become better with time. It's not easy to tell a person to become optimistic over something so quickly, but in my heart I know things will get better. People are hard to trust and it's so hard to even try to have faith in little things after being betrayed. Everyone has their ups and downs, some people unfortunately more than others, but in the end, it just shows who the strong people are: the survivors. Especially with things like love where you just want to say screw everything; when you get through it, you'll feel like you're on top of the world. Remember Matthew- I'm always just an IM away. I'll ALWAYS be here for you. I'll be giving you the biggest hug in the world in May. I love you, forever. <3
Well Matthew, I can definatly say I know what you're going through. We all experience this kind of the at one time or another. It bites to see the one you're in love with just ignore you like that. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, some people can be so cruel sometimes. Things will brighten up, I promise you that =] You can get through this Matthew, I know you can. I'm always here if you need to talk! <3 Much Love, Kristelle
Matthew i dont know what to say but be optimistic...things will get better....and i would like to thank you for everything youve done to me your the best person i knw and youve made me a better person ily Melanie
Matthew I just wanted to say that you have helped me alot. I have been really depressed and whenever I watch you on stickam it just totally changes around my day and makes me so happy. You always brighten my day. You are the most amazing person I have ever found, and I hope that one day I will meet you. Youre my escape to happiness. I hope that wht you are going through will pass, becuase it makes me sad when ur sad. When you do meet someone, they will be the most luckiest person in the world. I love you matt much more than you could ever know. <3333333 Ull get through this.
oh matthew : ( this blog literally made me cry. when i'm so used to seeing you happy, it's hard to picture you so sad like this. i know that you will find someone some day. there are so many guys out there that would be lucky to have you. when you're concentrated on one person, it becomes hard to see the rest. and you don't see the people who love you the most. believe me, there's someone out there just waiting for you to find them. and when you do, you'll wonder how you could ever have felt sad like this. as for pretending to be happy, i've done it so many times in the past. what's worse is that nobody tried to help me. nobody tried to make me feel better. but you know what happened next? I FOUND YOU. you, matthew, were the escape from my life for so long. you made me happy when nobody else did. every single time i watched you on stickam, i found hope for my future. you made me feel good about myself. i don't know how exactly you did it, but it sure helped me a lot. and for that, matthew, i can never thank you enough : ) when things aren't going too well for you, just think of everyone who loves you. and i promise that i will always be one of your fans. after pulling me up when i was down without even trying, i couldn't possibly find someone more amazing. i know you can't reply to every comment i post, or every message i send, and that's why i send you a lot of comments sometimes. i'm always praying you'll comment me back, because it makes me so happy when you do xD i just want to say thanks for being an amazing person. someone like you shouldn't have to go through pain like this. i love you. forever. <3 !Stephanie [ML]
Wow, that's really deep & touching. I’m so sorry you're going through these difficult times. i know where you're coming from, especially with the friend issue. It’s definitely hard, but things will be okay in the end, I’m sure of it. If I could I would give you a HUGE hug right now! But that's amazing how much money you've raised for Socialvibe. =] Even if you don't have superpowers, you've still inspired and changed so many people for the better, including me. Love you so much, and hope things get better as soon as possible <333
before i go...Matt you really need to fix your then/than problem... 'Someone who would rather kiss and cuddle (and the best part = talk) all night then have sex and sleep' implies you want someone to kiss and cuddle then have sex with them then sleep. shouldnt it be than? as in you would rather kiss and cuddle than have sex? sorry if i sounded patronizing 0=] anyways, the original way works lol
matthew. someday you're going to find that special boy. no doubt. you are soo uber special and you deserve a good one.. you just gotta be patient to find him. if you're all anxious for him, you're just gonna end up with a bunch of doubebags.
in the meantime, blogs like this are exactly why you're my hero. i hate that you're feeling down, but i love that you're not afraid to let us know it. that's what fans are for :D
Wow. I really admire how you can open up about stuff this personal. It shows that you realy ARE just like everyone else. And it lets alot of your fans know they arent alone when they feel this way. I don't know much about love but it must be great. So I really hope you find it, and with the right person. =)
Matthew, u truely are the best. I can relate with u on some of this. it truely is difficult to find someone who will love you for you and not just want to have sex. Heres a question for you.. what is sex really?? Some say it makes or breaks a relationship, but is that really even true? I know and i can truely say this, i could go my whole life, without having sex... if i really choose too...I want it to be special, Some, not all guys tho, are all about sex. and because of those guys, The truth seems like a lie coming from me. And it hurts so much. Some guys dont trust me, believe me, or even consider being with me because they think im just another guy wanting something... and that is totally not true. i said it the other day, there is someone out there for you. There is someone who will love you for you, who will be there for you, who will hold u when ur down, and hold u just because, someone who doesnt think about sex 24/7. Same with me, sometimes it just seems not to be true... but believe me, you will be extremely happy one day.
That was a sad blog. It made me almost cry. Matt just take your time. One step at a time. I love you. I will try to be loyal to you as a fan but idk anymore. I really love you babe. Be happy. <33
Eveerytime you right your always smiling and are happy.
Yet now you seem hurt.
But you really are an amazing person. You've changed alot of peoples lives,incliuding mine. [4 weeks being veg =D ]
and its all thanks to you. you say your not a celebrity, but what is a celebrity? a person whose known for something by alot of people. and ,you are that. so what if you dont have the camers following you and everything,thats a good thing =D
I know its sucks to see an ex who you really cared for,a nd I know you dont really know me or anything,but I am a good listener, and You've done alot for me,..for the world.
So im here for you, So yeha.. If you want some to talk to im on your friends list on myspace.
tyllerbby_x@yahoo.com
[im not trying to get like a million people to see this email so if you could delete this comment after you read it id really appreciate it]
and also, at your stickam slumber party you wished me ahppy birthdya, i never got a chance to say thanks,so thanks =D
but yea,Please talk if you need someone.
And Im sorry this is so long,im jsut trying to make it not look weird or creepy, and say everything I have to say =]
And,Im rly sry about your friend. It sucks being in that position,and not being alble to help them.
but yea,talk to me if you want too. you dont have to,because i know your busy with everyone commenting and messaging.
I wont be disappointed if you dont,but if you do,then I'll be waiting =]
ilu dear <3
p.s. Everything will get better,i promise. Your an amazing perosn matthew[i kno wyou hear that a million times a day] but you are.
and you'll find that amazing person who turns your world uspide down =]
aw Matthew that was touching. ii know how that feels it just happened tew me...sadly! it made me cry and i'm sorry it happened tew yew :(! Even though yew say yew aren't a celebrity tew all of us yew are all yewr fans love yew and that makes yew famous and a celebrity even if it's not on tv or in magazines or the news yewr famous online and that's a good thing :)
Hey Matt, I wish I could say I understand but that would be a lie. But I will say I hope things get better, I know how bad it sucks to be depressed. You always cheer me up when I'm sad and I hope this comment will cheer you up! Everyone going to Taste of Chaos will be upset, but they have to understand sometimes things just don't work out. I love you Matthew and I hope you have a better day tomorrow. You're a great inspiration for everyone and always seem to care about everyone. =] You're just great. Love you. <3
So now, what is this? Oh great, another site Matthew Lush is on. Is that what you see? Do you not see the big picture? Why can't you see what I see? Oh wait! Maybe it's because you're not me. But you know what? You still have the opportunity to do something with your life with what I've been trying to show you.
Now is the time to really take control of your life and not let others make decisions for you. Only you can fulfill your own destiny.
Do you look down upon me because I'm not perfect? If you're looking for anything near perfect, you're looking in the wrong place. Stop looking for for perfection; it doesn't exist.
We have a tendency to look down on things that don't fit in our ideal world. But this shouldn't be an automatic reaction. Even those things that don't fit your idea of perfection should be cherished at least as potential... the potential to change... the potential to open up to new things and explore life's many horizons.
When I came out of the closet I had no one to turn to. Not even one close friend. Do you know what it's like to have no friends? I was never the popular one in high school. I struggled through years and years of pain, loneliness and heartbreak.
Eventually I turned to the internet, my hideout from the real world. There I found an opportunity to do something with my life. The internet became my tool for change. My poor aching heart found its passion.
So ask yourself: What empowers you to succeed, and why haven't you done anything about it yet? Here's another tool to do the same thing I'm doing, only the way you want to do it. Think about the endless possibilities you have, and use this space to start writing the story of your life.
My book is far from being published. It won't be a book you can see or touch. Rather it will be something that you can "feel" within you. It will be for those looking for guidance... guidance that one day I shall bring. As I grow, I hope you'll grow with me.
And finally, be positive. As my mother taught me... "Think before you speak!" If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything. Your negativity will not only affect others, it will affect you as well. So be good to yourself.
"They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." -Andy Warhol
Heyy matthew! I really hope your brother is alright! im sure everything will be fine and sure were all here if you need cheering up! lush you! - sarah x x x
omg i just read every single one of your blogs that i've missed out on. wow. hmmm. but yeahh. some of them made me decide that one day i will buy you a puppy. because you need a puppy. yess. well this is a weird pointless comment. but i love you. thanks for everything. :]
About 6 months ago i found out about you through my friend Arielle. We were friends, but not really that close. One night i invited her over and we literally stayed up all night watching videos of you on Youtube. Needless to say, we found something in common with each other; we were craazyyy in love with YOU. :) We're best friends now and i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we shared SO MANY of those nights watching those videos.
So thanks for bringing my best friend and i closer. I appreciate it more than you could ever know.
Oh geez! That's REALLY nasty! But I will say this... you're more my hero now than ever! I've lost a LOT of guys by NOT having sex like 3 days after meeting them. But you know what, WHO CARES? I'm disease free and one of them turned into a male prostitute, another a coke addict, and I've lost touch with them all and can't say I have ANY interest in finding ANYTHING out about them!
I've had my heart broken enough times through the "process of elimination" but I still believe in the Beatles song "All you need is Love".
Do the 24 hour thing next month but just PREPARE yourself to end it if it doesn't work out as it doesn't sound like it's going anywhere but straight into some relationship sewer. And you're soooooooo perfect and ideal TOO! I don't get it!!!!
aww. i just read ur blog. i wish i can donate but i dont have the monew. srry . :(. u started to laugh when i got to the bottum of the blog thoug..lol XD
much love!
<3 beccah