Its been over 12 hours and it's still bothering me. Me and Stacey went to Tigerheat last night, and as we were walking over to the guest list lady someone called my name. I turned around and didn't see who it was and didn't know who said it. They were doing this weird thing where the main floor wasn't released yet, so they were making everyone go upstairs. The guy that usually lets people on the guest list in told me and Stacey to wait on the line. Shes like, I don't want to wait on line Matt fix this. So I told the guest list lady and she got them to let us cut the line. Thats when this girl was like "Hi Matthew I know you from Myspace" I don't know why, but I completely blew her off. I didn't even say hi, cause I was rushing up the stairs all confused of what was going on. As soon as we got upstairs I was like I can't believe I didn't give her a hug or anything, shes going to think I'm this rude person. I turned to Stacey and asked what she looked like. Both of us had no clue. I was hoping maybe she'd come up to me again, but she didn't. =[ I hope I see her again one day. I just want to be friends with her. I make so many friends at that club. Thats actually where I met Stacey, and my ex best friend. As well as countless others. I even made a new friend there last night. His name is Fairie. Pretty fun if you ask me. Have to hang out with him more.
Stacey is bi, and saw a really cute lesbian girl in this like green girlscout outfit. So she was dancing close to her, and I push her closer and they dance with each other back to back. Stacey looked so happy, but it got really hot, so we left the floor. She wanted to find the girl again and tell her she was cute, so we were trying to find her again. We started dancing and thats when I noticed this boy in a blue shirt. He was so ridiculously hot. Skinny, dirty blond spiked hair, really tan. He liked walked out of my dreams and on the dancefloor. There was this weird guy that kept following me, idk if it was because I was wearing short shorts or what, but the dude was a creeper. But anyway I tried to get closer and closer, and BOOM...he disappeared. Didn't see him for an hour till he and a friend (I hope) started dancing a foot away from me. For like 5 songs I was trying to like get the courage to rub up against him or fake trip or something, but nothing came. It got way to hot, and I was drenched in sweat. Me, Stacey and our new friend Fairie went upstairs. We then started looking for the girl Stacey liked, but couldn't find her. Uh oh... now we lost my boy. So for the next half hour we try and find these people we liked so very much, and had a system where we were going to tell them they were cute, but we couldn't find them!!! 2:40 comes around and we decide to leave. Stacey was pooped from dancing in boots all night, and I went from having a good time, to being stressed about some boy I might never see again. Then I got reminded that I blew someone off in the beginning and I was not very happy. We decided to soak it in with pudding. The pudding I made yesterday using vegan cake mix water and oil. It's so easy to make and taste soooo good. I put it into different cups, and since it was sitting in the fridge it was hardening. So we stuck it in the microwave and something amazing happened. The pudding turned to cake O_O Well like half way. I don't know what we were eating, but it was good. lol. Um I forgot to mention the reason I even HAD to go last night. The DJ was playing Katy Perry for me! Stacey and me ran to the dancefloor when we heard I kissed a girl, and jumped on those speaker things. Oh wow I love that song. She's like Britney to me. If you don't know what that means your not gay enough. Yay for homosexuality! Tara Mason just IMed me and said "guess what" I said "your prego?" (seems to be happening a lot lately....JS) and she said she might be moving down to Hollywood in August!!!! YESSS. Tara Mason is my redline buddy. We have good times. I would hang out with her everyday if she was my neighbor. =] and we can start working on my 12 kids. Hopefully my kids look like that kid in the blue shirt, because he was definitely the hottest one there. Plus he doesn't know it yet but he's my soul mate. Alright when I ramble I get kinda pathetic. I know I know. But I can't stop thinking about him. This reminds me of that time where I liked... wait. Have I not even liked anyone in like 5 months? I liked that one kid in January. I wonder if I would of still liked him if I saw him in person. Maybe I'm asexual. Maybe I should get some cats and be alone. lol who am I kidding, I'm only 19 and have my whole rest of my life ahead of me! =] But seriously, I was trying to adopt a dog last week. Long sad story, but I didn't get it. I'll talk more about that some other time. Right now I want to stay in my fantasy bubble. The bubble that now smells like vanilla cake batter. Fragrance sprays make me so very happy. Have a great day everyone. Don't forget to smile!
omg?. can i be ur perfect boy. i'll get blonde spikey hair.. i may need a sex change. HAHAH. JK!!! its so effing sad that ur gay. it makes me frown inside.. bbuuuuttt. when i read ur blogs all magically. it makes me smile again. haha. :D. yay.... oh btw. i totally. <3 the song "i kissed a girl" by katy perry. also.. lol. it makes me smile.. even tho. im straight.. lol. it's a rockin song.
whatever you do, DO NOT get cats and live by yourself! Dx lol. don't know why, but i had to say that. and don't worry, matthew. you'll find the perfect boy one day. just wait and see =]
I love Katy Perry too!.. I hope you had fun dancing. :) PS: I hope you find that boy from tigerheat in Whole Foods buying vegan stuff .. then you guys can date!! I love you! <3 beccah melecka
oooooh and how could i forget. i hope you find that girl you didn't say hi to also ! i'm sure she'll understand if she reads this. [[: you're amazing and we all know you're a sweetheart.
awh that's so cute ! i love it when you ramble :p i really hope you find that boy again ! or even someone better; you def. will :D and i hope stacey finds someone too. and lucky ! i love katy pery too[: we should go see her together, hehee. maybe i'll get lucky and you'll come visit me and she'll show up in hershey. now that'd be beyond amazing.
sometimes, i feel invisible to you. i made you a video a long time ago and you never even saw it. i try hard to get to talk to you but i never get any luck. all i want is to meet you but i never get the chance too because you love so far away. it sucks. but im sorry about you losing your boy. i hope you find him. iloveyou matthew.
btw matt remember i had made u a shirt but i kinda messed up. i've been debatihng quite some time if i should send it and thinkin if i coudl just take some of teh iron on paper off or something it might look alittle cool messed up. but i cant . woudl u still wear it and flaunt it like it is? the back is fine which it has mishagloria but the from was pose to be a pic of me and some words around it. the marjority of the pic is fine but idk the rest is kinda like there but still u can tell its not good. what do u think i dont wanna waste my last stamp if u wont wear it lol
i'll take that haha as long as u wear it some times its all good lol but i promise u as soon as i get teh ink and teh money i will make another one and i wont mess it up lol
i totally cannot figure out how to comment back on this thing! anyway what i wanted to say was that you shouldnt worry too much about the time your going through, i think we all feel invisible at one point or another. i atleast know that i have many times and when someone does find me they are a total creeper and im way too picky haha. but really i hope that you do find someone and they will make you a very happy person! on top of being gorgeous your a really good person with a really big heart and if thats not something to look for in a guy then i dont know what is. you will find someone just maybe not yet. but as for the girl that recognized you from myspace, hopefully she didnt take that too hard and realized it was a really hard situation and something was going on. if she keeps up with you at all and knows what your about i think shell realize that you feel really bad and want to apologize to her. im sure everything will turn out fine! your really great to your fans and thats what we all love about you! you really are a great person!
it sucks that u guys didnt catch up with those people lst nite and i feel for teh firl who got blown off but hopefully one day u can see her or she'll contact u and say it was ok u noe so dont feel like sooooo down things happen but in regards to ur question on myspace that u used as ur title about if we ever feel invisible, i do all the time i think i am to most people actually. Its like i notice with some friends i have unless their totally bored and coem across my number or a comment i sent them on myspace they contact me but not forn n e thing else not for my b-day or for x-mas or halloween or n e thing else and then there r the people who r purposly makin me invisble because i have as u noe this problem with annoying people without me noing it and instead of warning me they just stop all contact together or delete me from their aim and myspace and it hurst cuz like i dont meant to be like that and noone will work with me and tell me to calm down u noe. i just wis someone would before i lose all my friends =[
theres billions of people in this world. Misha you need to find some true friends. some close friends you can talk to all the time, and bake food together, and have sleepovers =] theres people like you out there thats just looking for a friend. so try and communicate more with people you barely know <3
sorry about the kid at tigerheat but there'll be a hotter guy and he will be just as amazing as you are! dont settle for anything less than you deserve, and you deserve the best. =] yumm vegan pudding. sounds delicious[i have no idea how to spell delicious...] this made me smile. have a good weekend <3
Matthew, i love you so much, hopefully the blue shirt boy will find you because so many people love you and talk about how you feel and such. Maybe he'll read this, REALIZE he's your soulmate and buy you some yummy vegan chocolates.. YUM! :)
aww sorry you didnt find your people, maybe if it was meant to be, he'll be there next tiem you go :D if i saw you anywhere you would be teh one who fell from my dreams haha <3 hope you feel better. im planning on making you a little package for your birthday :D ily matthew<3
and this is sort of off topic, but i ordered a shirt a couple of months ago and it never came... idk who to email.....
aw it'll come. we had some print issues with certain sizes, but it will come darling <3 sorry in advance, it's my fault for not fixing the problem sooner =/
sorry about the cute boy and stacy's girl she though was cute. like you said, you're only 19 and have your whole life ahead of you i try to tell my self ' i'm only 15 and have MY whole life ahead of me ' but it just wont get to me .. i rush things and want to do everything in a short period of time!
awww im sorry you and stacey didnt find your people and im sure there is someone out there for you somewhere your still young, but what am i sayin... im younger haha
aww, sorry about the guy from tigerheat. i know how you feel too. it sucks when you see someone you really like, then you lose them and dont see them again. happened on my birthday last year, and i was about to stalk him but i gave up xD but like you said, you got your whole life ahead of you, and you'll find the boy of your dreams soon, so dont worry about it =]
"She's like Britney to me. If you don't know what that means your not gay enough." :D:D:D:D:D:D AWESOME :D:D:D I'm litterally rolling on the floor laughing :D:D:D anyway..that seems like a cool club..I wanna go there :D what brings me to the same opic as always..germany..LA..distance..and so on, I think I wrote all that stuff like 31976556718 times before :D:D:D
anyway..good night, morning, day, evening, or whatever applies to LA :D
I'm still confused about time zones..because LA is so FAR from germany... ^^
You're so gosh darn cute Matthew! I'm sure everything will work out if it's meant to be. I don't know how anyone could resist you. :) He might even be reading your blog right this second. Don't loose hope. (: Lush you. <3
awww im so sorry that happened matthew. maybe u will meet eachother if u both go back to tigerheat. ooo vegan pudding! sounds really good! u always have the coolest way to make stuff. XD omg i was listening to katy perry like all day yesterday and today. i love that girl! wait i thought u were having ur kids w/ Camilla.... lmao thats what my friend and my sister said. that when they grow up they r going to be alone w/ like 100 cats runnig around their big hauted house. XD but i dont think u should do that matthew! i know that there is a boy who is going to love u as much as u love them. hope u have a great too matthew! ily lots<333333 :]
You're so gosh darn cute Matthew! I'm sure everything will work out if it's meant to be. I don't know how anyone could resist you. :) He might even be reading your blog right this second. Don't loose hope. (: Lush you. <3
right okay now i have read it all lol Matthew, if it was meant to be than you will definitily meet him some again at some point in your life. i believe in fate. If you never ever see him again then you never know, maybe he is actually a complete jerk. but damn do i know how that feels i fell in love with someone and i never had the guts to tell him. first love. then he just vanished from my life, i was so used to knowing where he would be and one day he wasnt there anymore. It's been 8 months and i am still not over him. it sucks. but lets hope fate knows what it is doing =D
wow! i'm so sorry about the boy at tigerheat. =/ i know how you feel. who knows, maybe it was meant to happen...and an even cuter one will come along :] and pudding ALWAYS makes everything better, even if it's like cake haha i love Katy Perry too, her music's soo incredible. it's just catchy and always really fun :D have fun with that cake spray, i'm jealous! haha it's toteffly one of the best smells in the world ilu <3
:O! idea:if you post a bulletin asking girls who went to tigerheat last night to comment the bulletin now, maybe you'll find that girl. just a thought~~
and dont you love how much success katy's getting? she really deserves it, and im seeing her at warped ;D
Awwwe I know how you feel :(! I've liked a guy for an aaage, but yeah we have talked very occasionally - for like two seconds on msn once every month and that's it over. The title says it all 'If only he knew I was there'! Well, I hope that guy reads this blog and you meet up, you deserve it! <3
So now, what is this? Oh great, another site Matthew Lush is on. Is that what you see? Do you not see the big picture? Why can't you see what I see? Oh wait! Maybe it's because you're not me. But you know what? You still have the opportunity to do something with your life with what I've been trying to show you.
Now is the time to really take control of your life and not let others make decisions for you. Only you can fulfill your own destiny.
Do you look down upon me because I'm not perfect? If you're looking for anything near perfect, you're looking in the wrong place. Stop looking for for perfection; it doesn't exist.
We have a tendency to look down on things that don't fit in our ideal world. But this shouldn't be an automatic reaction. Even those things that don't fit your idea of perfection should be cherished at least as potential... the potential to change... the potential to open up to new things and explore life's many horizons.
When I came out of the closet I had no one to turn to. Not even one close friend. Do you know what it's like to have no friends? I was never the popular one in high school. I struggled through years and years of pain, loneliness and heartbreak.
Eventually I turned to the internet, my hideout from the real world. There I found an opportunity to do something with my life. The internet became my tool for change. My poor aching heart found its passion.
So ask yourself: What empowers you to succeed, and why haven't you done anything about it yet? Here's another tool to do the same thing I'm doing, only the way you want to do it. Think about the endless possibilities you have, and use this space to start writing the story of your life.
My book is far from being published. It won't be a book you can see or touch. Rather it will be something that you can "feel" within you. It will be for those looking for guidance... guidance that one day I shall bring. As I grow, I hope you'll grow with me.
And finally, be positive. As my mother taught me... "Think before you speak!" If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything. Your negativity will not only affect others, it will affect you as well. So be good to yourself.
"They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." -Andy Warhol
