Do you ever get so sad you want to be left alone? I do. And because of it I lost a friend. I ignored one of my friends because I was to upset about not having a ride to Six Flags on my birthday. I wanted to just not even think about tomorrow, so I began ignoring her calls. I needed some space. When the clock struck 12, it wasn't the HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW that stood out, it was the MATTHEW CALL STACEY. I was shocked. I will admit that I feel most stubborn and selfish on my birthday, cause I feel as if it's my day more than any other day. I have endured year after year after year of let downs on my birthday ever since I came out. Not one perfect birthday goes by since then.
Even before I came out of the closet, I had one incident as a little boy. I invited the kids around the block to my birthday party. It was power rangers, and I waited weeks until it finally came. On my special day I noticed that the only thing missing was my friends around the block. I ran up to the stop sign, made a right and two houses down...there they were. Sitting in front of the house playing. I then said "Why are you not at my party?" and they told me "we forgot." My voice tightened and I immediately shot back with "I told you 50 times!" (which actually wasn't a lie... I mentioned it a few times a day before school ended on June 25th) They then shrug and walk into the back yard. My jaw drops and I drop to my knee's and cry. I then get up, cover my face, and walk home.
My mom asked what was wrong, and I told them my friends forgot it was my birthday. She calls up the one kids mother and I overhear her say she talked to her the day before about it. Turns out they just didn't want to come. It's actually one of the most memorable moments in my life, cause for the first time I was hurt emotionally by someone that claimed to be my friend. But anyway after finally falling asleep, I woke up to my family ringing my phone up the wazoo.
I had such a beautiful dream that night. The kind where you kinda wake up a dozen times, but fall back to sleep and keep dreaming for hours and hours. The happiest dream I've had in a long time! So I made sure when I blew out my candles, I wished for what my dream was about. Let's just say if it comes true, I'll be the happiest boy alive. Anywho, I realized it was a new day and I was going to figure out what was going on. I sign onto Myspace and see my friends status message was "Going to Six Flags :)" or something of that nature. My jaw then dropped and I commented her saying "you're going to six flags?" and felt the same hurt I did many years ago.
I was in the wrong for ignoring her the day before, but was she really going to just go without me? Did I really deserve that? Especially on my birthday? I changed my status message to "my friends went to Six Flags without me." Thats when the drama happened. She blew up in my face for ignoring her yesterday, and blamed it all on me. I can't help feeling depressed. I'm sorry I'm human and I can't be happy all the time. I try and try, but it's going to take some time. All great things take time. I ruined her day the day before, and she was about to ruin mine. Blame everything on me. I take all the blame. But for you to go and rub it in my face like that is uncalled for. If you were a friend, you would of been knocking on my door telling me to come in, cause YOU KNEW I was sad. And if you really think I would not answer my door, you're crazy. I'm not that messed up. You didn't even try. You just went without me.
True friends are there even if you don't want them to be there. Deep down inside I thought you'd surprise me and everything would be okay. I thought maybe we can talk about how my feelings altered the way I reacted the day before. But things don't happen the way you plan. I cried for hours hoping someone would call. My one best friend in California did end up calling, and immediately after she found out what happened she rushed over. Thank you Jaymi for always being there for me. Really means a lot. We've been friends for over five years, and haven't fought once. You are a true friend and that's hard to come by now and days.
Me and Jaymi then busted a mission and tried to find candles. We walked to CVS, then the Yucca market, then FINALLY we found a 24 pack at 7-11. I got a gigantic Monster Blackout slurpee with a cool blue metal straw. We then walked to Vegan House on Wilcox and had food. I had a soy pepper steak burger with avocado and vegan cheese on it! mmm mmm mmm!!! It also came with fries, and I ordered a side of soy chicken nuggets. Jaymi got shitake curry or something. lol. The food was so good. I was really happy I added the avocado! Tasted so good together. But anyway after we were done we asked for vegan cheesecake. They didn't have any, so me and Jaymi decided to walk like a dozen or so blocks to Truly Vegan. We got two slices, and I filled mine with twenty one candles. Gotta always have the one for good luck!!! The rest we put on hers. =] She paid for the cake, which was very nice of her, and then we were off to get the love of my life.
If you don't know what that is, you don't know me very well. It's COFFEE!!! YEAYA!!! So we walked another dozen blocks to my favorite coffee stop (for some reason they always make everything just right) and I enjoyed my new favorite drink. I had a double shot over ice, and the guy flirted with me and gave me an extra shot and said that what I was drinking was like cocaine...LOL omg. He's out of control. Me and Jaymi sat down and talks about memories and gay stuff, and I was just so happy I could sit with someone and talk to them for hours and not get bored. She truly made my birthday so much better than what it started to turn to. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't change anything. Because today I found out who my friends truly are.





(My mouth and teeth were stained from the Slurpee)




(My mom called me and talked to me about what disgusting stuff goes on for an hour after a baby is born. Have to get all the rest of the stuff out of the tummy too! GROSS!!!)