The boy I liked turned out to like someone who was much older than me. The guy looks double my age! I just can't believe everytime I like someone, they must go and like people who are complete opposites of me. Now I know why he made me feel so invisible. It's cause I was. I should of realized that something wasn't right from the start. I need to stop crushing over people. But I can't cause it makes the loneliness go away. Damn I really need to get that dog. =/ I feel so...empty. As if a part of me was missing. It's not a good feeling at all. My birthday is in 24 hours and I still don't know what I am doing. I just want to be happy and spend it with people who love me. Stacey seems like the only one lately that has truely made me happy. Everyone else is either to busy or slowly fading away. Ruby is beginning to help though too <3 She's the man! or should I say..woman! She's a dyke. I love her. People always think she's a boy. It's funny and cute. lol. I wanted to steal her baby kitten, but she said that it would grow to be over 7lbs. How sad =[ It's so cute!! I picked it up and it licked my finger. It was sooooo adorable. We even went to the mall in Downey and got my eyebrows threaded. That was a weird experience. So neat how they do it though. Rubys friend wanted to set me up with her gay friend, but Ruby said he was all straight acting and not my type. Haha she know's I like the pretty gay ones =X Oh and I finally got some pictures of me, Stacey and Ruby from Disneyland! ENJOY!
aww, im sorry matt. and i know what you mean too. it really sucks when you get let down. but i know you'll find someone soon<3
and the picture are really cute. you all look adorable :D ha, and ruby reminds me a lot of my aunt's friend amy. shes a dyke too and people always confuse her for a guy. then again, i did too when i first met her xD
aw =[ you'll find an amazing boy one day,that will be perfect for you. looks like you had fun day =] Happy almost birthday,I hope my present I sent you comes in time. love you <33
Im sorry matthew =( you'll find someone... How about trying something else, like instead of going to them, let them come to you. I know its hard to be alone, Im alone all the time. I know how much you want a doggie, but after a while, the comfort of that will fade too. Someone is out there waiting to find you. One day they will. Everyone wants the perfect boyfriend, even I do. But remember what you said? Perfection doesnt exist.
aww Matthew im so so sorry! i just wanna give u a big hug now! i had that happen to me alot and its not a good feeling. :'[ i know fer sure u will find that right person! aw Stacey and Ruby sound like great friends! ooo u guys looked like u had TONS of fun at Disneyland! lol i love go-carting! i just went go-carting last weekend in Wisconsin w/ some of my family and a friend. :D ilu lots Matthew<333
i'll hook you up with someone OMG I HAD THE BEST IDEA FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT but then i realized i needed your home address lol BUT OMG IT WAS AWESOME!
aww, nikki's comment is right. he doesn't know what he's missing out on, and anyone would be more than lucky to have you <3 i've felt empty so many times before, but the feeling always goes away eventually. i promise. and those pictures are so cute! it looks like you had a lot of fun =D o, happy almost birthday by the way : )
aww, i'm so sorry =[ ugh i've been in that spot waay too much=/ But he really has no clue what he's missing out on, any guy would be beyond lucky to have you. And i'm sure someday the perfect boy will come along and realize that =] I wish i could give you a big hug right now <3 And cute pictures! haha, Ruby reminds me of one of my friends =P lol i haven't been to Disney in like FOREVERR. looks like tons of fun! Love you Matthew<3
awww i think that person who scammed you is stupid you really deserve that dog... and omg... your friend ruby looks JUST like my cousin's girlfriend haha
So now, what is this? Oh great, another site Matthew Lush is on. Is that what you see? Do you not see the big picture? Why can't you see what I see? Oh wait! Maybe it's because you're not me. But you know what? You still have the opportunity to do something with your life with what I've been trying to show you.
Now is the time to really take control of your life and not let others make decisions for you. Only you can fulfill your own destiny.
Do you look down upon me because I'm not perfect? If you're looking for anything near perfect, you're looking in the wrong place. Stop looking for for perfection; it doesn't exist.
We have a tendency to look down on things that don't fit in our ideal world. But this shouldn't be an automatic reaction. Even those things that don't fit your idea of perfection should be cherished at least as potential... the potential to change... the potential to open up to new things and explore life's many horizons.
When I came out of the closet I had no one to turn to. Not even one close friend. Do you know what it's like to have no friends? I was never the popular one in high school. I struggled through years and years of pain, loneliness and heartbreak.
Eventually I turned to the internet, my hideout from the real world. There I found an opportunity to do something with my life. The internet became my tool for change. My poor aching heart found its passion.
So ask yourself: What empowers you to succeed, and why haven't you done anything about it yet? Here's another tool to do the same thing I'm doing, only the way you want to do it. Think about the endless possibilities you have, and use this space to start writing the story of your life.
My book is far from being published. It won't be a book you can see or touch. Rather it will be something that you can "feel" within you. It will be for those looking for guidance... guidance that one day I shall bring. As I grow, I hope you'll grow with me.
And finally, be positive. As my mother taught me... "Think before you speak!" If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything. Your negativity will not only affect others, it will affect you as well. So be good to yourself.
"They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." -Andy Warhol
Heyy matthew! I really hope your brother is alright! im sure everything will be fine and sure were all here if you need cheering up! lush you! - sarah x x x
omg i just read every single one of your blogs that i've missed out on. wow. hmmm. but yeahh. some of them made me decide that one day i will buy you a puppy. because you need a puppy. yess. well this is a weird pointless comment. but i love you. thanks for everything. :]
About 6 months ago i found out about you through my friend Arielle. We were friends, but not really that close. One night i invited her over and we literally stayed up all night watching videos of you on Youtube. Needless to say, we found something in common with each other; we were craazyyy in love with YOU. :) We're best friends now and i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we shared SO MANY of those nights watching those videos.
So thanks for bringing my best friend and i closer. I appreciate it more than you could ever know.
Oh geez! That's REALLY nasty! But I will say this... you're more my hero now than ever! I've lost a LOT of guys by NOT having sex like 3 days after meeting them. But you know what, WHO CARES? I'm disease free and one of them turned into a male prostitute, another a coke addict, and I've lost touch with them all and can't say I have ANY interest in finding ANYTHING out about them!
I've had my heart broken enough times through the "process of elimination" but I still believe in the Beatles song "All you need is Love".
Do the 24 hour thing next month but just PREPARE yourself to end it if it doesn't work out as it doesn't sound like it's going anywhere but straight into some relationship sewer. And you're soooooooo perfect and ideal TOO! I don't get it!!!!
aww. i just read ur blog. i wish i can donate but i dont have the monew. srry . :(. u started to laugh when i got to the bottum of the blog thoug..lol XD
Aw!!! i am copmpletly sorry that everything isnt working for you but i will all work out fine!! i know that u cant help who you love but myabe if u sat them down at actually took time to say how u felt they would appreciate your love a whole lot more!!!! You are such a cute boy and u are very caring u dont need anybody to not have time for u!!!
I hope everything works out great!!! ♥ Ya lots Meagan !!!
You're one of the sweetest, most caring boys I know, and I want you to know that that's the best quality anyone can ever have. Don't ever think there's something wrong with you for missing him, because that's the loving part of you that's the most important part of any relationship. Just know we're all here for you and I love you for who you are, and I've come to realize that rough times are necessary for you to deal with problems and emotional issues better the next time. So you'll learn and grow, and maybe that means you'll grow closer to your bf. Try to go do things that make you happy, like playing with puppies or baking or whatever. :3 Everything seems easier when you look at it in a good mood. <3 Maddie
I finally got my account up on here ^_^ I've been keeping up with your blog for awhile but never got the chance to put up my own profile. I left you a comment of encouragment on your blog so I won't repeat myself. I'm a bit of pessimist but even I believe that it's always darkest before the dawn...
I've been following you, rather creeperily I might suppose, since two summers ago. You really are an inspiration, and no, you can't be perfect, I don't idolize you, I just really respect your views and courage to express them.
I have a blog on here, and it chronicles my experiences with coming out. I know it would help people cope. Horrible as it is, I'm sort of using you as advertisement. Haha, but in a good way, of course. Anyways, I would probably go into shock and have to be taken to the ER if you actually read one of my blogs, but I hope you do. And I hope others do too!
Anyways, like I said, you are a great person. Your ideals are so strong, it really does inspire me.
(Oh, and I think someone might have already told you this, but a WHOLE bunch of people think you're cute, don't get too down. =] You'll always have your fans, that is a love no lone person can give you.)
trying to find love is very difficult. but maybe you should takee it to the next level??...and date a girl. maybee?? just a thought. you seeem very passionate...well thats a part of being in love and thats what girls are all about. crying during romantic movies, cuddling, haahh and just being with the person they loveee. well...thats how most girls are anyways. i COMPLETELLYY understand the whole thing w/your bf bcuz thats how it was w/mine and trust me you need much much better hunnn. illyyy<3 and hope you feel much better.
Oh Matthew, I dont comment your stuff alot, and i dont watch you live everyday...but i probably should... i used to be... your biggest fan on the plannet. lol, i changed soo much for the better when i WAS your #1 fan because i wanted to be so much like you... and if it means anything to you i really think that you helped me when get better after i was diagnosed with depression last year.. you made me care. i read your blogs and i really wish the best for you, i know how you feel, you just want to fall in love and live happily ever after but as much as im sure you dont want to hear it...im not sure if this love is going to be your current boyfriend... it was great while it lasted but unless he out of nowhere starts reading your mind and becomes the boyfriend you've always wished for i doubt he is the one.... but thats just from my point of veiw, im not you.. and i dont know anything more that what you say in your blogs. It seems like latly i've been kicked out of your live chat and ignored more and more.. i dont blame you for ignoring me because im sure as fast as that live chat goes i doubt you've ever seen a thing i wrote... but the first time i heard you say hi to me,last Christmas, it made me feel like the most special person in the world, and it was my favorite Christmas present..... Dont feel like you cant be sad, because you dont want us to feel sad.. if you feel bad we want to make you smile... dont worry about us... You have thousands of people online that love you to bits and peices and we would do ANYTHING for you. if you asked us all to take you out to dinner you would never have to pay for a meal for the rest of your life :)
One day you will find that man, and you will be loved, and cherished for who you are, dont doubt it. until then stay positive :)
love, nikki
P.S Sorry if this was like reading an essay....really.
Love, what I will say is that I send you a huge hug and tell you to focus on doing whatever makes you happy. No one should make you work for their time and attention. A true partner is one who loves you and loves spending time with you. When you're in a relationship that feels like too much work...it's time to wait for one that just... works. XOXOXO
Matthew i'm soo sorry about your boy and how busy he is. but i want you to know one thing, even if he doesnt love you we all do and you should never have to feel invisable or left out because you have so many ppl supporting you out there. i do believe you will find the perfect boy and you two will grow together and adventually have a family you just have to carry on and it will come to you. just stop thinking so hard and have some fun! love you!
don't worry.
there's already millions of people who want to be with you, ahah.
it looks like you had fun at disneyland though[:
i went there once when i was like 7.
anyways, i'm here for you,
and i miss youu.